Abe Comments

I am afraid. I had a very bad night with awful nightmares and this unknown fear is still with me. It is as if a vampire or ghoul or a different dark creature sat on my shoulder and did not want to leave. I cannot describe or determine it but it is somehow associated with the fears I know. My thoughts go around usual problems of my generation during such days. How am I going to live my life? How to make money? Am I, in general, worth anything? Am I able to create anything? Is my mother proud of me? Well, I know she is not, but will she be one day?! This fear is also something else, something more. It might be the fear of death. I often think of my father’s death. I have so many things in common with him so why shall I live longer?! Why not die now, when I still have no kids and debts. Oh I do not mean a suicide! And I do not want to die for sure, but subconsciously I feel it might happen. Well, I do not know - an accident, heart attack like my father, etc. Well I’ll better get some cake, donuts or something. It always makes me feel better.