Abe Comments

I hate smokers. Unfortunately many of my friends smoke and I cannot really do anything about it. Why do I hate them? I have in fact one reason, their egoism. Have you noticed that they do not care about nonsmokers? They always want or rather demand a place where they could smoke but at the same time they do not care if the smoke impacts life of other people. It is even more anoying when they find smoking in a public place normal. I’m not going to explain the details of smoke influence on health. That’s not what I’m about. I just hate the smell of cigarettes which follows me home from work. I’m fed up with the stinking lift in my block. I’ve got enough of people who smoke at my window and say that I overreact because I tell them not to do it . Moreover smokers tend not to believe that the smoke may be unpleasant. It is not that they do not care. They are simply unable to understand that one may not love and share their “passion”.

Sometimes when I am alone I sit in my room and wait for my secret friends. When I turn the light off they know I need them. They know that I ivite them. I just close my eyes and listen to the silence. After a while I hear some noises. Somebody shuffles behind the door. Something scratches a window glass. At the moment I know for sure they answered my call and that they are already with me. Small green dragon is always the first one to show up. He sits on the arm of my chair, lights up a big brown cigar and says: “How’re the things going, buddy?”. “Well, quite all right. Still smoking that shit, pal?” - I say. “Want some?” - the dragon smiles to me. “Yes, gladly” - I take the cigar and inhale. We just sit, smoke and wait for others. Then we usually have a party…

I cannot understand why PC edition of FotoStation Pro is so different from the one prepared for Mac OS. When I worked with Mac FotoStation I found it the best photography soft I’d ever seen, of course only as an addition to Adobe’s Photoshop. In fact there is no better and faster way of viewing, selecting and describing pics, especially when it comes to hundreds of photos. I cannot say I completely and thoroughly tested the PC version. Nevertheless I noticed at once that I was having problems with deleting images. Well, that was, in fact, the only thing I installed Fotostation Pro for, to easily view and quicly remove unwanted photos that is. Moreover PC Fotostation interface looks very hard but that may be the matter of getting used to it.

I am afraid. I had a very bad night with awful nightmares and this unknown fear is still with me. It is as if a vampire or ghoul or a different dark creature sat on my shoulder and did not want to leave. I cannot describe or determine it but it is somehow associated with the fears I know. My thoughts go around usual problems of my generation during such days. How am I going to live my life? How to make money? Am I, in general, worth anything? Am I able to create anything? Is my mother proud of me? Well, I know she is not, but will she be one day?! This fear is also something else, something more. It might be the fear of death. I often think of my father’s death. I have so many things in common with him so why shall I live longer?! Why not die now, when I still have no kids and debts. Oh I do not mean a suicide! And I do not want to die for sure, but subconsciously I feel it might happen. Well, I do not know - an accident, heart attack like my father, etc. Well I’ll better get some cake, donuts or something. It always makes me feel better.

I would die if I had no books. I always try to have a book with me so I could read something in the meantime, you know on the bus or when I wait for somebody. I have just finished the “Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde. It is not an easy piece of literature but indeed very interesting, colourful and creepy. The main idea is quite simple and common but at the same time it is just something that always makes me wonder. Do our deeds impact our outlook? Or maybe how much our deeds impact the look? The book certainly touches many different aspects of human existence. I am sure every reader will find something else in it, but for me that was the main idea. Beside psychological problems Wilde also described his view on English 19th century high society. It is a great piece of literature, worth a moment of reflection.

Today I noticed how simple activities may give subtle pleasure. You may think I’m strange. Well I will not deny. In fact I find myself a bit… eccentric . Well, to the point. I felt unusual, unknown happiness when I started ironing my shirt today. I experienced purifying and peaceful feeling while I was moving the iron through the material . One of these, which are difficult to explain. Those feelings just appear from time to time during an activity which needs no concentration. Suddenly all the nervousness “evaporated”. I was once again a small kid with no problems, enemies, people to look after. I just stood by the board and watched the iron smothly moving over the shirt. Once a friend told me that his father loved to wash dishes ’cause it made him relaxed. I laughed at it at the time, but now…

Yesterday we went to a park. We took a dog and the camera and went to spend some time together. I thought it would be good to take some pics in the autumn. You know, colorful and a bit melancholic. The CMOS sensor in my camera (Canon 10D) results in gorgeous photographs. My dog is a black labrador so I thought of a nice composition of a dog running and playing around fallen red and yellow leaves. We had a day off and we could sleep longer the day. I think we got up at noon. We had a breakfast and not long after that we were supposed to leave. My girl said she coludn’t go out without make-up. When she was finally ready the sun was already high. Days are shorter now, so when reached the park there was not enough light to take pics.

I’m writing this ’cause my friend said that all I create is too damn intelectual. Read this, pumpkin. I always brush my teeth while sitting on the stool. I can save some time doing both things at the same moment. Then I clean carefully and completely the bottom. Well, as a matter of fact, before doing this, but after completting shitting, I get up (I must get up to reach the basin) trying to keep the buttocks spread and I clean the toothbrush. Than I’m finally able to touch the ass. I do what all normal people shoud do with the paper. Then I wash my hands. If the process of getting rid of what I ate before, seems to be longer I may brush the teeth and then take a book. I always keep at least two books in the toliet, ’cause, again, it would be a horrible waste of time shitting without reading. I believe that people are divided into two groups: ones who read in the loo and some who say they don’t.

Last night I was in the game. I was one of the “Doom” characters chasing ugly creatures. I was runnig in a dark and scary maze, holding a large gun, collecting some items which I felt were strongly needed. Even though I was sure that it was a game and it was me who shoud have had no fear, I felt like a hunted beast, terrified animal chased by horrible monsters who wanted nothing but to kill. It was no fun at all. Moreover I was sure that I had to slay those living “things” . Otherwise I would get killed. So I had to murder the beasts. When I shot the first one I experienced a horrible feeling. Like I would kill a man. I started crying over the body of the poor creature. I felt awfully. I had the feeling a few times before in real life when something disatrous happend. I’m glad I woke up.